The Autopsy Room

I am soo bored right now.And i'm really tired.

Anywhoo,i just deicided to write in this because i felt like it,and because i'm bored =P

Well,i'm gonna go now,make sure you comment on my poem or song or whatever that i wrote!!!

I think it's one of my best ones =]

But you be the judge of that =]

              -Loser Misfit

It is my birthday today (finally) !!!

yay.woo hoo!

Don't forget to say Happy Birthday.Please and thanks.

It would make my day =]

-Loser (ida)

wow.it's been a long time since i've written in this.it just feels...weird.it's weird because it's been so long.haha.well...it may seem long.but i'm not sure if it has or not.haha.i am so bored right now.i don't like it when somebody says like "i'm bored,so i'm talking to you." it's just not...nice. it just feels kinda like "i'm so bored,so i might as well talk to you.even though you're not my first option." kinda like what people say when this girl in my class gets picked on a certain team in gym,and they'd be like "awww.not her again.she sucks.but we might as well anyways.because if you think i'd pick tht other geek,you are so wrong." and no,that girl is not me.but...i'm pretty close to being her though.not that it matters to me or anything.it wouldn't be paradise is what i'm saying.haha.paradise.i wonder what it feels like to be in paradise,since i'm in this shithole you call a town.i don't live in the city anymore.*sobs* i have to live in this crappy place called glenboro.who the fuck names a town glenboro anyways? it reminds me of the color green.haha. i don't like it here very much.i have absoulutely no friends.that blows.big time. but at least i'm not picked last and stuff.they usually pick me only because i'm tall though.i mean for basketball and stuff.and lacrosse.i only really like hockey though.but i only really play it at school though.  in gym and stuff.i keep on saying the word "stuff".haha.and i keep on saying "haha" too.haha. i make myself laugh sometimes.which isn't very fun believe me.i'm lonely.i'm gonna write more. i want to.but the only reason i am writing in this is because i feel like it.and if i don't,it will keep bugging me for the rest of the night.it will keep replaying over and over in my head "write in your journal on buzznet.write in your journal on buzznet." haha.stuff just happens like that all the time.sometimes,when i'm at a store,i have the urge to just touch that thingy that you put your stuff on when you're gonna pay for it,you know those black thingys that move.i don't know why.it just happens i guess.so if i had the urge to kill,i might just do it.haha.

                                                     -loser♣

p.s. loser is my nickname now.i made it myself.haha.but my name on here is bloodyxromance321.and my real name is ida.haha.but i only use loser for #1.my website. #2.whenever i write in something. so remember,don't call me loser.haha.actually,i don't care.call me whatever you want.

and another p.s. i'm not actually going to give out my password.i wouldn't even give it out to my cat.and the only reason for that is because someone might hear.haha.

I ♥ U!!!

Thanks to love911 for showing me how to do those ♥ thingys.

 We've seen it before,
 I don't wanna see it anymore.
 You can run away from me,
 Or walk out the door.

some people call it anger

some people call it rage

some people can't learn how to take the pain.

no pain,no gain

is what the others say

it's way too depressing

how to write this way.

it takes a lot of  guts

to be at the front of the bus

to be 14,in grade eight

i knew in the first place,that this was a mistake.

to be a loner,to sit in the corner

to be a stupid fag

just sitting there and lay.

lay me to sleep,

o doctor,o thee

cut my throat open,

and leave me to bleed.

when you're out on a rainy day,maybe april,march or may.

when you walk into the room,you'll expect to have blood on the floor,right at the minute you couldn't take it anymore.

shoot me in the head,pull the trigger now,point it at the crowd,do it for me now.

she walkes into the shaded room,the shaded room,when flowers bloom.

she looks into the mirror,from all the screaming she couldn't hear.

she grabs a blade,and starts to shade,she cries and reads,and starts to bleed.

hi readers.well,whoever is reading this.uhh...idk really what to say.well....my parents aren't married anymore.they got into a huge fight and now they're getting divorced.my dad is moving to ontario and i have to live with my mom.crap.well,now he's moving away for good.i kinda wish i could live with my dad because he's moving to ontario.i have the song pain by three days grace stuck in my head.well,this gives me a great topic to write songs about.how the bastard left me here to rot.lol.my dad's packing his stuff.and to tell you the truth,i really don't give a fuck.

a)no more arguing.

b)i don't have to put up with his bullshit anymore.

c)idk c,there's only 2 bright sides on this topic.

so uhh..yeah.uhh...i'll probably have to chuck out my marilyn manson cd's out the window cause my mom hates him.i'll have to probably start waking up earlier.i'll probably have to throw out my iron maiden cd's,slipknot cd's,posters.fuck.actually,i'm just gonna start living my own life.instead of my parents telling me what to do,what time to go to sleep at,that sorta thing.i'll do whatever i want,whenever i want,wherever i want.so mom,JUST STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE! thanks,i finally got to say what i wanted to say.well,i'm gonna stop writing now so uhh..bye readers.

today was so.......idk.i dropped my friggin pants in the toilet at gym yesterday.if you wanna know more about the toilet pants story...just ask.because i really don't have enough time 2 b writing about that.you may think it's funny...well...it kinda was.but anyways...i'm so bored!!!! i just finished a book called stoner and spaz.and it's kinda a book for grade 12's though.or 11's or something.it has like swears and stuff and talks about....i may talk about it later.i don't feel like it right now.i am not a good writer.when i first listened to i'm not okay by my chemical romance i was like 'i wanna do something like that.(meaning write a song)i wanna write a song that will kinda change peoples lives.it changed mine.does anybody have a song that has changed their lives?? well...if ya do,you can just leave a comment or message me about it.i can't stop writing sappy,sad poems.it's just a habbit.anybody online??? i am so bored and i need to talk to someone.hold that thought.oh no.i have to go to bed and that means when i wake up i'll have to go to...school!!! oh shit! if there's one thing i don't want...that's dealing with the stupid preps.omg.they can come up with the most imaginative things.i can't believe they can even think with those teeny tiny little brains of theirs.well...enough of that...i'm gonna go listen to three cheers for sweet revenge....i think.while i go to sleep.i like to listen to 'the jetset life is gonna kill you' when i go to sleep.i love it when gerard's voice kinda gets high when he says "pull the plug,well i'd like to learn your name,and holding on..."

i think i got those words right.but...if not...oh well.g2g my mom's bitching at me.byebye.xoxo :) <3

i am so bored...wait a minute....i'm always bored.hehe.lol...good times.Nick in my school is soo hot! like on fire.hehe.me and my old friend alexis used to like this guy named titus,and we used to say he's on fire.like he could burn down a building.hehe.those were fun days.i miss all of the people there (in regina) that i knew.anybody like my chemical romance? well i do.i think i said that on another journal.but eh,oh well.i bet nobody's gonna be on msn right now.but i'll check anyways.i am now checking.....wait.....alyssa's on.yay! ok...that sounded stupid,how i got all excited over it.i'm listening to angels and airwaves's song the adventure.it like kinda get's me by everyday somehow.well....gotta go.people are yelling at me from outside my bedroom window.i think it's kayla and justin.well...bye peoplez.cha.peoplez.hehe.

angels and airwaves-the adventure

hi everyone,i am so flipping bored! anyone here bored?

i feel like talking on msn.my msn's i'm not going to say.because i felt stupid when i did.

i shouldn't be writing what i wrote before.now i feel stupid.i don't know why.i tell people not to be sad and look what i'm doing.i wish i was someone else other than me.and i tell people not to get mad.when i listen to note to self by from first to last i have this video clip in my head of someone trying to figure out which way to go.like they've lost their way.like they've just ran away from someone,or something.i can't figure out what to do now with my life.i seriously have conversations with the voices in my head though.i can't believe how stupid i can be sometimes.and now i feel bad.not bad as in "oh,look i stole something" but bad as in i think i shouldn't have said something before but i can't turn back time or anything.i wish i knew lots of people.i feel as if i don't exist.that nobody notices me walking down the hall,but even if they do they'll probably say some rude comment anyways.i just feel so damn empty.like when there's a big school and there's lots of kids and then when everyone goes home there's only one kid left.i feel like that one kid left.i don't even think i belong in the world.sometimes things can get so depressing.i'm listening to 'there is' by boxcar racer and it reminds me of shaun.shaun's a friend of mine that i had to move away from.i had moved from regina to manitoba.i remember listening to 'the grace' by neverending white lights.i can't believe that my life in regina went by so fast.it justwent by really fast.i forgot my cd's in regina.i forgot them on my bedroom floor.i forgot my black guitar pick too.life goes by fast.you better live it slow.or else it might just pass you by.i haven't slept very good since i moved.and that was 4 months ago (i think) well,it was in june.i think it was june 25th,2006.i like to know that there's kids out there who feel the same way as i do,but i don't like to know that there's kids out there that don't want to be alive.my nose is stuffed up.my life went by so fast.i just can't believe it.thoughts were running through my head when i moved.it sucks to be me.

there is-boxcar racer (it's the song i'm listening to)

omg! i need to go back to regina! it's like this longing i have...but i know i'll be longing for it forever.i know i'm never gonna be able to go there.my fucking parent figures are too..well i don't know!i'm just so fucking messed up! what the fuck is wrong with me? huh? do you have a fucking answer for that? huh,even teachers can't fucking answer that! i fucking need to go back there! and quickly too.i fucking miss everyone! fuck! now i'm fucking crying! you see what moving fucking does? it does fucking shit all!' i was listening to that fucking song you sick motherfucker! get away from me! (i'm talking to my stupid older sister) i hate your fucking guts!' i should commit suicide.but what the fuck is that gonna do?!? i have to fucking get back there somehow! someway! it's so fucking depressing being away from the one and only person you fucking love! isn't it? i bet nobody's gonna even fucking read this.so i should just delete it! but i didn't write this fucking far for fucking nothing! fuck! i have to get fucking back there! it's so fucking boring around here! sorry for all the swearing! i'm just longing for something so bad that i'll even kill myself for! if you have any comments about this just write it where it's supposed to be and i'll get back to it.

i'm so fucking bored!!!!!

there's like nothing to do!!!! there's nothing to watch,no one to talk to,all alone,in this dark,cold,large room.

nothing for me,places to go,people to see.that was weird.but i liked it.*voices in my head*"you idiot! you wrote it! god! you're such a dumbass!"

*back to me* "hey,who was the one that got their hand stuck in the vent?"

*voices*"you did! dumbass! i am you!"

*back to me*"oh shit! not again! no! no way! it can't be! you're the one screwing up my life you sad asshole! i hate you! go die!"

*voices* "you do know you're saying this to yourself right? you could kill yourself,it's the only way out"

*back to me* "no way! there's got to be another way! are you like....stupid? well actually,i brought this upon myself so,you do know that nobody will care if i kill myself right? they'll just not do anything at all.they'll just go'she died,who cares?'"

*voices* "yes you are stupid! dumbass!you did bring this upon yourself so just fuck off!          nobody will care if you fucking kill yourself or die! they won't even notice you're gone.you loner.i hate you! go fucking jump off a building or a bridge! they'll be happier if you die anyways! no wonder you slit your wrists! cause nobody gives a fuck!"

*back to me* "well,i guess i am stupid,i'm dumb,i'm an idiot,i brung it upon myself,nobody will care anyways,they won't notice if i'm gone,i am a loner,everyone hates me,i'm not gonna talk about the wrists part though,nobody gives a fuck,and i will go jump off a building.hopefully one downtown.so i'll die in the place i love.i'll go now."

i'm so bored.it is so boring! i'm not trying to be mean to the citizens of manitoba but it is so boring here!!!

i wish i still lived in regina!!! at least i knew more than 12 people here.(not including my fam).

i got that feeling that on a crappy day(you know,the sky's kind of greyish.i love those days)

you feel really sad and depressed.but at the same time i'm mad!

i don't want to be called 'joe's sister' anymore.i hated it in the first place.nobody knows my name besides my fam and friends and it kind of sucks.i'm like a loner.i don't talk to anyone(besides friends) at school,and everyone just gives me this look.a look that they look so saddish.and my brother always says why are you always so sad? and it's like 'you idiot! i have like an image stuck on my face.an image of saddness.and an image of depression.

and like leave me alone!'.i seriously do have an image of saddness stuck on my face.and it's like'it won't get off!' it's like a mask stuck on my face.not that i always want to be happy but i'd like to be sometime in my life.i probably have like 70 or 7 years of my life to live.i can't be sad and depressed all the time.wouldn't you think so?

send comments!